1 00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:09,377 [funky bass line] 2 00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:12,748 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:15,384 - Hey, guys. How are things going? 4 00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:16,918 Come on, sit down. 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,540 - Class, we are in for a real treat today. 6 00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:22,125 Our guest speaker is not only someone who is a student 7 00:00:22,208 --> 00:00:23,668 at this very school, 8 00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:26,460 but he is a very accomplished stand-up comedian. 9 00:00:26,542 --> 00:00:28,462 He's also the first Black head writer 10 00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:31,332 of "Saturday Night Live" and the first Black anchor 11 00:00:31,417 --> 00:00:33,537 of the storied "Weekend Update" segment. 12 00:00:33,625 --> 00:00:36,915 And he single-handedly saved the HBO Max streaming service 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,830 with his wildly successful show. 14 00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:41,827 Please give a warm School of the Arts welcome 15 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,327 to Michael Che! 16 00:00:43,417 --> 00:00:46,577 [applause] 17 00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:50,415 - Thank you so much. - Thank you. 18 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,170 - School of the Arts. It's so great to be here. 19 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:53,290 Thank you. You're so kind. 20 00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,705 Oh, you should clap harder. 21 00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:56,962 Okay. 22 00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:58,631 Thank you very much. 23 00:00:58,709 --> 00:01:00,539 - It is a thrill for us to have you, Michael. 24 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,205 - Hmm, that's very interesting. 25 00:01:03,291 --> 00:01:06,831 And it was the actor Omari Hardwick instead? 26 00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:09,287 - No, it was still me; I just looked exactly 27 00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:11,455 like Omari Hardwick for some reason. 28 00:01:11,542 --> 00:01:12,632 It's weird, right? 29 00:01:12,709 --> 00:01:13,789 - Not necessarily. 30 00:01:13,875 --> 00:01:15,165 A lot of times in dreams, 31 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:17,130 people appear as other people. 32 00:01:17,208 --> 00:01:20,538 - But why Omari Hardwick? I mean, we barely look alike. 33 00:01:20,625 --> 00:01:22,285 - You look nothing alike. 34 00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,075 - I wouldn't say nothing alike. 35 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:26,166 - I would definitely say nothing alike. 36 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,330 It's two different faces and bodies. 37 00:01:28,417 --> 00:01:29,497 - Okay. 38 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:32,833 - Any more questions for Michael Che? 39 00:01:32,917 --> 00:01:35,327 - Mia. - Hi, Mr. Che. 40 00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,537 First of all, I'm a huge fan of "Weekend Update." 41 00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:38,825 - Oh, thank you. 42 00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:40,247 You know, most people don't like it. 43 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,543 - I have a two-part question. 44 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:43,285 The first part is, do you ever feel 45 00:01:43,375 --> 00:01:45,665 an added pressure as a Black man in these current times 46 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:47,170 to use your voice and your platform 47 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,830 to help empower other Black people? 48 00:01:48,917 --> 00:01:50,577 And also-- - No. 49 00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:52,037 - No? 50 00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:53,665 - No, I don't feel like that. 51 00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:55,130 Ever. - Oh. 52 00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:58,668 Okay, then that's my only question, 53 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,880 I guess. - Thanks. 54 00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:04,460 - All right. 55 00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:07,542 Anybody else? Anybody? 56 00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:10,632 [spacey guitar music building] 57 00:02:10,709 --> 00:02:13,209 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:13,291 --> 00:02:15,921 [pensive bass line] 59 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,380 - ♪ No matter how hard you try ♪ 60 00:02:19,458 --> 00:02:22,828 ♪ You can't stop me now ♪ 61 00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:27,665 - Having a job that a lot of Black people 62 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,250 in your neighborhood or Black people 63 00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,583 in your background don't have, 64 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:34,207 they always wanna know more about that job 65 00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:35,881 and what are the fucking secrets. 66 00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:37,999 And there's always a reason that you're succeeding 67 00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:40,423 and other people haven't succeeded. 68 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,500 And it's never... 69 00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:43,543 - Hard work. - Good. 70 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,035 - Yeah, it's never hard work 71 00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,035 and dedication. 72 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:47,825 It's always some foul shit 73 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,917 that you probably did... - Mm-hmm. 74 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,750 - That they're not willing to do. 75 00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:53,924 "Oh, yeah, I bet you did get that promotion." 76 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,420 What the fuck is that supposed to mean? 77 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,330 I almost don't wanna tell people good news 78 00:02:57,417 --> 00:02:58,577 because I don't want them to think 79 00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:00,667 I did something terrible to get it. 80 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,543 [suspenseful music] 81 00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:08,915 ♪ ♪ 82 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,880 I have one rose left, 83 00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:13,209 but there's two of you standing here, 84 00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,381 which means that one of you will be safe 85 00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:17,248 and the other one will have to die 86 00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:20,083 in a blood sacrifice for my Hollywood career. 87 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,036 Give me the knife. 88 00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,705 - I can't watch this. 89 00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:29,077 - Aunt Gladys, your kisses are always wet, 90 00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:32,246 and every time you hug me, you leave makeup on my shirt. 91 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:35,633 But you always have candy in church. 92 00:03:35,709 --> 00:03:36,959 I appreciate that. 93 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,291 - I know my baby loves his sweets. 94 00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:41,035 - That, I do. - Here. 95 00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,875 Have some titty candy. 96 00:03:42,959 --> 00:03:44,329 - Ah! Toblerone? 97 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,327 - Don't you tell your mama I gave that to you. 98 00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:47,577 - Yes, ma'am. 99 00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:51,375 Uncle Dennis... 100 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,998 you take your shoes off at the house 101 00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,213 and you make the whole place smell like corn chips. 102 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:56,631 It's funky. 103 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,169 And then you laugh too hard at your own jokes 104 00:03:58,250 --> 00:03:59,920 before you get to the punch line. 105 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,630 - Yeah. [laughs] - I'm sorry, son, 106 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,329 but why is it one of your family has to die 107 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,167 so's as you can be in a movie? 108 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,750 - That's just how it works for Black entertainers. 109 00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,834 - Whatever happened to just working hard 110 00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:10,537 and earning success? 111 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,705 - I tried that for, like, a year. 112 00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:15,832 It's impossible. - You can tell better jokes. 113 00:04:15,917 --> 00:04:17,127 - No, I can't. 114 00:04:17,208 --> 00:04:18,708 - I know, why don't you just 115 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,082 leave show business altogether and try something new? 116 00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:24,036 - I mean, I can, but then I'd be poor again 117 00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:25,575 and have to live with one of y'all. 118 00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:27,577 [all murmuring] - He ain't staying with me. 119 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,877 - Exactly, look, let me just sacrifice one of y'all. 120 00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:32,079 I'll get a sitcom, and we'll be fine. 121 00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:35,326 - I guess the family could spare one nigga 122 00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,207 for your dreams. - Thank you. 123 00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:38,331 - Hold on. 124 00:04:38,417 --> 00:04:40,457 But I'm not even your real aunt. 125 00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:42,002 - Gladys! - Me and your mama, 126 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,793 we just grew up in the same building. 127 00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:46,825 We not related. 128 00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:48,747 - What? - No, it's true. 129 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:51,464 Me and Gladys, we just play cousins. 130 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,132 - Oh, well, that just made my decision a lot easier. 131 00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:56,878 - Yes! - Oh, this is some bullshit. 132 00:04:56,959 --> 00:04:57,999 - Wait. 133 00:04:58,083 --> 00:05:00,503 Easier in which direction? 134 00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:07,423 ♪ ♪ 135 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,920 - Wait, I'm so confused. 136 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,750 - See, there's this theory in a Black community 137 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,464 that in order to be really famous, 138 00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:17,542 you gotta sacrifice a family member. 139 00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:19,535 - What? Is it true? 140 00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:20,745 - I don't know, I'm not really famous, 141 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:22,214 but I do know that whenever 142 00:05:22,291 --> 00:05:24,211 a major Black celebrity loses a loved one, 143 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,041 we assume it was a blood sacrifice. 144 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,035 - That's seems really insensitive. 145 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:30,165 - It is. - So then why do you do it? 146 00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:33,330 - I don't know, nigga, it's fun. 147 00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,787 [all arguing] 148 00:05:35,875 --> 00:05:39,165 [cell phone ringing and buzzing] 149 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,580 Hello? 150 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,077 Yeah, this is he. 151 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,956 Ah, that's great. 152 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,921 Of course I'd do that. 153 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,210 No, yeah, my family's here. I can tell 'em right now. 154 00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:51,501 This is awesome. 155 00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:52,543 All right, thank you. 156 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:53,665 No, thank you. 157 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:54,750 Okay. 158 00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:56,504 All right, I love you too. 159 00:05:56,583 --> 00:05:58,253 Okay, bye. 160 00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:00,003 - Was that Hollywood? - Yeah. 161 00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,383 Ma, you're not gonna believe this, 162 00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:02,748 but they're doing another "Toy Story," 163 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,754 and they want me to play a voodoo doll. 164 00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:06,584 - That's awesome! - Yeah. 165 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,077 - Oh, I'm so proud of you! 166 00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,996 - Hey, nephew, you know why you always 167 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,133 gotta keep a broom on your boat, right? 168 00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:14,078 - No, why? - [laughs] 169 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,416 'Cause that's how you-- 170 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,710 [laughing] 171 00:06:20,208 --> 00:06:22,288 - All right, hey, yeah, no, I got it. 172 00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:26,165 Look, the only problem is, this new role, 173 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,880 it's gonna cost me another family member. 174 00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:30,079 - Oh? 175 00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:32,126 - Yeah, and they said it has to be 176 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:35,458 a young one this time, so... 177 00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:41,422 ♪ ♪ 178 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,920 Ah. 179 00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:47,250 - You know, luckily, my niece was pregnant at the time, 180 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,833 and so, you know, two birds, one stone. 181 00:06:49,917 --> 00:06:52,127 I ended up voicing the character 182 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,418 of Coco Shando in the short-lived 183 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:59,380 Disney spin-off of "Toy Story." 184 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,998 - [laughs] That's a funny story. 185 00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:03,673 - It's all totally true. 186 00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:06,080 - All right, who's got another question? 187 00:07:06,166 --> 00:07:07,666 - Yeah, I got a question for you. 188 00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:09,710 You ever do some gay shit for a role? 189 00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:11,132 [laughter] 190 00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:12,498 - Knock it off, guys. This is a guest. 191 00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:13,833 - My brother told me that Hollywood 192 00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,287 only allows Black men to succeed 193 00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:16,875 if they're willing to do something gay. 194 00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:18,709 Did you do that? - Hey, that's enough. 195 00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:20,212 - No, it's-- - I am so sorry about that. 196 00:07:20,291 --> 00:07:21,791 - No, it's--it's fine. 197 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,995 As a Black man, I get this question all the time, 198 00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:27,043 and the answer is that really, 199 00:07:27,125 --> 00:07:29,375 it depends on what you consider gay. 200 00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:31,578 - Wha-- - Like, I was at a party, 201 00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:34,747 and an executive put his dick in a bowl of ice cream, 202 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,834 and he's like, "You gotta lick it off 203 00:07:36,917 --> 00:07:39,577 "if you wanna even get a role 204 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:43,627 in 'Fast and Furious 12: Mo' Cars, Mo' Problems,'" 205 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:46,669 and I was like, "Uh, absolutely not, dude." 206 00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:49,460 - Well, good for you. - "I'll eat the ice cream 207 00:07:49,542 --> 00:07:52,382 after you take your dick out of the bowl." 208 00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:54,248 And he was like, "Deal." 209 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:56,883 But is that gay? No. 210 00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,789 I mean, I know a lot of gay friends 211 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,705 that would not do anything like that. 212 00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:02,712 - Man, I knew it. - Michael Che. 213 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:03,962 [scattered applause] 214 00:08:04,041 --> 00:08:07,711 - I'll read any line as Coco. 215 00:08:07,792 --> 00:08:09,752 - That sounds terrible. 216 00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,334 Did that actually happen? 217 00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:12,747 - No, no, I think they're stopping 218 00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:14,214 at "Fast and Furious 10." 219 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,081 - No, I meant Colin Jost eating the ice cream. 220 00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:19,536 - Oh, no, that wasn't Colin. That was me. 221 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,785 I just looked like Colin for some reason. 222 00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:24,665 - But I thought you looked like Omari Hardwick. 223 00:08:24,750 --> 00:08:26,210 - Yeah, but it's like you said. 224 00:08:26,291 --> 00:08:28,001 You turn into other people during your dreams. 225 00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:31,503 - Yes, but dreams do come from somewhere. 226 00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:34,463 Do people think you're gay? - I don't know. 227 00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:37,632 I mean, I'm sure someone thinks I've done something gay 228 00:08:37,709 --> 00:08:41,579 to make it in show business, but that's understandable. 229 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,247 - How is that understandable? 230 00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,173 - Because everybody thinks you gotta do something gay 231 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,750 to get into show business. 232 00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:50,084 - Are you sure that's not just something you think 233 00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:53,326 'cause of your own insecurities? 234 00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:54,957 - Yes, I'm sure. 235 00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,211 Wait a minute, you think I'm homophobic? 236 00:08:57,291 --> 00:08:58,461 - I don't know. 237 00:08:58,542 --> 00:08:59,922 - What do you mean you don't know? 238 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,750 You're my therapist. You're supposed to know. 239 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,044 - Wait, what? 240 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,285 I thought we were role-playing. 241 00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:06,995 I'm a prostitute. - Sex worker. 242 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,833 Let's just say you're an actual therapist. 243 00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:11,077 - Oh, my God, is this why you hired me, 244 00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:13,876 to dress up like this and listen to your dreams? 245 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,749 I thought this was sex fantasy. 246 00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:17,294 - No, no, no, it is. It is. 247 00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:18,955 I--I wanna have sex with you. 248 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:21,671 I'm just--I'm just, uh, working up to it. 249 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,710 You know what I'm saying? 250 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:24,462 I just wanna believe that 251 00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,462 you're my therapist, and then 252 00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:29,132 I can have sex with my therapist, you know? 253 00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:31,458 - You're being yourself. I'm the one in character. 254 00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:33,962 - I got a couple more dreams, we'll talk about my childhood, 255 00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,631 and then into sex. 256 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,999 When you hear motherfuckers talk about "Hollywood parties," 257 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:45,003 it's always, "Yeah, they have 'gay Hollywood parties,'" 258 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,883 and then you go on and listen to what they're talking about, 259 00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:49,669 and it's like, "Yeah, I walked in the room, 260 00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,630 and I saw two niggas kissing." 261 00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:53,169 I'm like, 262 00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,790 "Yeah, man, that's-- that's probably just a couple." 263 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,035 - Yeah. [laughter] 264 00:09:58,125 --> 00:09:59,825 - "It wasn't a gay party. 265 00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,207 You just saw two gay guys at a party." 266 00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:03,881 But that's what people think. 267 00:10:03,959 --> 00:10:06,379 That would be enough to justify 268 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,828 every insecurity they've ever had 269 00:10:08,917 --> 00:10:11,957 about what goes on "in Hollywood." 270 00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:15,421 [thrilling music] 271 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,710 [timer beeping and ticking] 272 00:10:17,792 --> 00:10:18,922 - Damn it! 273 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,920 The sick bastard left us here to die. 274 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,830 - What are we gonna do? - There's nothing we can do! 275 00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:25,827 - Guys, it's gonna be fine. Atomic Twan knows we're here. 276 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,377 He'll save us! 277 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,828 - Atomic Twan? 278 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,577 - While searching for a well-lit place 279 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,167 to make his TikToks, 280 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,960 Twan, the inept night-shift security guard, 281 00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:35,791 accidentally trapped himself 282 00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:37,825 in an atomic force generator, 283 00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:41,037 where he obtained superhuman powers! 284 00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:42,745 Then he became... 285 00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:47,082 - Ah, fuck. - Not that guy. 286 00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:48,456 - What do you mean? 287 00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:52,002 ♪ ♪ 288 00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:53,383 There he is! - Uh-uh! 289 00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:54,958 Y'all ain't supposed to be in here. 290 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,251 We are closed. 291 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,383 - There's a bomb! You have to untie us! 292 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,748 - First of all, calm down. 293 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,634 'Cause what y'all not gonna do is yell at me. 294 00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,629 I ain't even supposed to be working today. 295 00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,419 - See what I'm saying? This dude sucks. 296 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,960 - We're not yelling at you, Twan. 297 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:11,131 - Time-out. Who told y'all to bring a bomb 298 00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:12,498 in here in the first place? 299 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:13,543 This is a bank. 300 00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:14,915 - We didn't bring the bomb. 301 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,000 - Well, I didn't do it, if that's what 302 00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,293 you're trying to say. 303 00:11:17,375 --> 00:11:19,495 - Jesus Christ, can you just untie us? 304 00:11:19,583 --> 00:11:21,713 - I guess I could do that. 305 00:11:21,792 --> 00:11:23,382 - I knew you could do it! - Ah-ah! 306 00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:25,538 I didn't say I could do it. 307 00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,165 I said I would try. 308 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:28,460 - You just said-- - Don't argue. 309 00:11:28,542 --> 00:11:30,792 ♪ ♪ 310 00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:32,075 [timer beeping and ticking] 311 00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,246 - Oh, my God. 312 00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:37,083 There's ticking. What is the ticking? 313 00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:39,576 There's a lot of ticking up in this bitch. 314 00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,667 Sounds like a bomb's going off or something. 315 00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,080 - 'Cause it is a bomb! 316 00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:44,576 - Oh, shoot. 317 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,417 This thing says it's about to blow up right now. 318 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,040 - [groans] - Oh, my God. 319 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,125 - I'm about to turn this thing off 320 00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:53,958 'cause this ticking is driving me cuckoo bananas. 321 00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,831 - Thank you, finally. 322 00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,457 - What's your password? - Our what? 323 00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,002 - Your password for this little bomb thingy 324 00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:00,833 so I can turn it off! - It's not our bomb! 325 00:12:00,917 --> 00:12:02,207 - Well, it's not mines! 326 00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:04,041 - Can't you just use your superpowers 327 00:12:04,125 --> 00:12:05,995 to untie us and fly us out of here? 328 00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,253 - Fly you where? 329 00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,713 - Anywhere. - Uh-uh! 330 00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,752 I ain't gonna be flying y'all all over the place 331 00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:12,254 like Boo Boo the Fool. 332 00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:15,003 Tell me exactly how far y'all trying to go first. 333 00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:17,923 - Literally anywhere, man! - Pick a place! 334 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,830 [tense music] 335 00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,037 - Florence! 336 00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:23,455 - Yes, Mr. Michael? You call me? 337 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:25,212 - Yeah, I want you to settle a bet 338 00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,001 for my white friend here. 339 00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:29,133 How do you think I made it in show business? 340 00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,128 - Well, I'm not sure, 341 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,248 but I bet through hard work and determination. 342 00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:37,173 - No, no, no, no. No sucking up. Just be honest. 343 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:40,830 How do you really think I made it in show business? 344 00:12:40,917 --> 00:12:42,377 - Well... 345 00:12:42,458 --> 00:12:43,828 - You think I did some gay shit, don't you? 346 00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:44,787 - No! 347 00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,245 - See? Nobody thinks that. 348 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,923 - Well, I didn't say nobody thinks that. 349 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,330 I definitely heard that before. 350 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:52,997 - See? - Really? 351 00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:54,333 - But I don't believe it. 352 00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:57,327 I think that you're just a coon. 353 00:12:57,417 --> 00:12:58,877 - A coon? What? 354 00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:01,629 - Well, you told me to be honest. 355 00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:03,329 - What's a coon? 356 00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:05,077 - It's a Black person that'll do anything 357 00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:07,206 to please white people in order to make it. 358 00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:08,381 You know, like a sellout. 359 00:13:08,458 --> 00:13:09,998 - So according to you, 360 00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,383 Black people won't make it 361 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,748 unless they do something gay or sell out? 362 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,504 - Or sacrifice a family member in a blood sacrifice. 363 00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:19,503 But that's not according to me. That's just what people say. 364 00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,543 - What people? - Black people! 365 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,875 - Why? 366 00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,289 - Because it's fun. 367 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,165 You telling me white people don't do that? 368 00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:29,040 You guys don't tear down your celebrities? 369 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,625 - No. I definitely don't. 370 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:32,249 - So you think every white celebrity 371 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:35,003 just made it because of talent and hard work? 372 00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:36,423 - Yes. - All right. 373 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,210 I guess we just think it's hard to believe 374 00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:40,001 that a Black person could make it in this country 375 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:42,583 without having to compromise in some way, 376 00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:45,077 whether it's as crazy as killing a family member 377 00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:48,496 or doing some gay shit or being a coon. 378 00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:52,083 - Maybe that's why you were Colin Jost in the dream. 379 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,376 - What do you mean? - Because you're afraid 380 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:55,998 that's how Black people see you. 381 00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:57,923 - As a Black Colin Jost? 382 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,920 Because we're both handsome and graduated from Harvard! 383 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,960 - No, that's not what I mean at all. 384 00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:06,001 What I mean is, maybe you're afraid 385 00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:09,423 Black people see you as white. 386 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,710 - What? That's stupid. 387 00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,082 And you call yourself a therapist. 388 00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,456 - I'm a prostitute, 389 00:14:13,542 --> 00:14:15,382 and you said earlier when the girl asked 390 00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:17,248 if you felt pressure to help Black people 391 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,083 with your platform, you said no. 392 00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:20,626 - But that's not even true; I use my platform 393 00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,579 to help Black people all the time. 394 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,537 - Do you? Mm-hmm. 395 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:27,625 - The fuck is that supposed to mean, Florence? 396 00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:29,579 - Maybe we all do what we can, 397 00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:32,377 but some of us need to stand up a little bit more. 398 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,078 That's all I'm saying. 399 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,206 - Goddamn, Florence. 400 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,788 Black people are the most liberal people I know, 401 00:14:39,875 --> 00:14:42,455 but they're also the most conservative people I know, 402 00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:45,632 where they're willing to stand up for injustice 403 00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:48,959 as long as it ain't 404 00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:50,961 something they don't tolerate. 405 00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:53,541 [laughter] 406 00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:54,995 [crowd cheering] 407 00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,963 - Welcome to the Washington Wonders Arena. 408 00:14:58,041 --> 00:15:00,211 - I know we've been receiving a lot of backlash 409 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,831 for kneeling during the national anthem... 410 00:15:01,917 --> 00:15:03,207 [crowd booing] 411 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:05,251 But I say we continue to use our platform 412 00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,713 and kneel until we see significant change 413 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,462 in this country, huh? - Yeah, that's right! 414 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,672 - In a world plagued by injustice... 415 00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:15,130 - Injustice for one is injustice for all, 416 00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:16,708 right, fellas? [all shouting] 417 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,422 - Comes the story of one man 418 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,210 willing to stand for what's right 419 00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,171 in the face of adversity. 420 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:24,960 - We will not stop kneeling until there is equality 421 00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:28,461 for Black trans women in this country! 422 00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:29,422 - For who? 423 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,210 - He was... 424 00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:35,419 - Black trans women have it harder than anybody, 425 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,670 and we, as Black men in power, 426 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,000 have to use our platform to protect them! 427 00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,463 - Man, I don't know about that. 428 00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:43,502 - "The New York Times" called it 429 00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:44,883 "a movie." 430 00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,579 "Variety" magazine says, "Nope." 431 00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,627 And "The Shade Room" is calling it 432 00:15:49,709 --> 00:15:51,169 "woooooooooow." 433 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,330 - An injustice for one 434 00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:54,247 is an injustice for all, remember? 435 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:57,083 [all murmuring] - I guess, yeah. 436 00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:59,166 - An original heartwarming anthem 437 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,130 by Grammy and Oscar Award-winning 438 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,958 recording artists John Legend and Common 439 00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,461 would've been nice, 440 00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:07,542 but they were unresponsive. 441 00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,415 - Wait a minute! Captain's right. 442 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,330 Trans women should be protected. 443 00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:12,707 - Thank you! 444 00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:15,422 - Plus, some of them looking a'ight too. 445 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,380 - Maybe don't help me. 446 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:24,081 - Don't you wanna be the face of the Black trans movement? 447 00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:27,286 [heartfelt music] 448 00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:32,542 - Look at this picture right here. 449 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,922 Now, y'all going to tell me this nigga ain't thick? 450 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,750 - Can I tell you something? 451 00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:40,214 This is actually really fun. 452 00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,211 Like, I get why people go to therapy now. 453 00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,711 - Hey, man, I don't mind talking to you as friend-- 454 00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,132 I mean, you seem okay-- 455 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,628 but if you want to talk to real therapist, 456 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,499 I can recommend people. - Nah. 457 00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:55,583 Therapy's not for me. That's for crazy people. 458 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,497 - It absolutely is for you. 459 00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,293 - I can't see myself just paying a complete stranger 460 00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:01,745 to listen to all my problems. 461 00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,754 - That's exactly what you're doing right now 462 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,834 with a prostitute. - Sex worker. 463 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,077 But this is different. 464 00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:08,576 I'm only paying for the sex part. 465 00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:11,377 The talking is actually fun. 466 00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,748 - This isn't fun. 467 00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:14,504 This is actually kind of depressing, 468 00:17:14,583 --> 00:17:16,463 and I get paid to do fucked-up stuff. 469 00:17:16,542 --> 00:17:18,212 - Oh, come on. - But this is first time 470 00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:20,921 I feel sad for client. 471 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,500 - Aw. - No. 472 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,583 - Thank you. 473 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,577 [gentle music] 474 00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:34,787 ♪ ♪ 475 00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:37,461 - How you doing, son? 476 00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:40,212 Can I rap with you for a sec? 477 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:41,881 - Sure. - Your mama told me 478 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,539 you're going into showbiz. 479 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:45,455 Said you landed a gig and everything. 480 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:46,582 - Yep. 481 00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,127 - That's good. That's real good. 482 00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,828 So look, when you get out to Hollywood, 483 00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,707 you're gonna meet a lot of different types 484 00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:53,132 of people out there. - Dad. 485 00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:54,668 - And some of them may ask you 486 00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,080 to do some things you may not be comfortable with. 487 00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:58,666 - I'm not gonna do anything gay, Dad. 488 00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:00,040 - Good. Good. 489 00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:02,245 That's--that's good. 490 00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:05,673 All right, well, I guess I'll see you around, then. 491 00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:10,169 - Hey, Dad, wait. 492 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,080 - What is it, son? 493 00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:14,884 - What if I don't make it? 494 00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:17,249 What if I'm not good enough? 495 00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,833 - Whoo, you sound just like me. 496 00:18:19,917 --> 00:18:22,707 - You did comedy? - No, no. Close. 497 00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:24,332 I did porno. - What? 498 00:18:24,417 --> 00:18:26,537 - They were laying off folks down at the car wash. 499 00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:29,455 Mr. Gibson, the owner, invited me and a couple fellas 500 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,542 up to the office, said he liked our look. 501 00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,415 Took our shirts off, threw some oil on, 502 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,130 did some muscle man poses, they snapped some Polaroids. 503 00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:38,328 Him and his wife said they was doing a website. 504 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,327 - What, a website? So this was recently? 505 00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:43,327 - No, no, this was years ago. About three years. 506 00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:45,667 But look, man, the reason why I didn't say anything 507 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,920 is because as crazy as it sounds, 508 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,460 I was embarrassed by it. 509 00:18:49,542 --> 00:18:51,132 - Yeah, you should be embarrassed! 510 00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:52,998 - Yeah, that's true. - I can't believe you did that. 511 00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:54,633 - Mm-hmm. That's me right there. 512 00:18:54,709 --> 00:18:56,709 - Oh, come on, man! - I'm the one in the mask. 513 00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:58,712 - Yeah, yes, I see. 514 00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:01,502 Dad, you're a porn star! - Sex worker. 515 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:02,713 The point is this. 516 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,252 You're always gonna have doubts 517 00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,253 when you're embarking on something new. 518 00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:09,963 "Am I good enough for this? Am I worthy of success? 519 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:13,421 Is it weird that there are no cameras at this shoot?" 520 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,580 But you can't let none of that stop you 521 00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,707 from following your dreams. 522 00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:20,212 As long as you be true to yourself, 523 00:19:20,291 --> 00:19:22,291 you're gonna be all right. 524 00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:25,789 - I guess. 525 00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:27,575 - Hey, and if that cat Lorne Michaels 526 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,537 need any adult talent-- - Dad. 527 00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,205 - Okay, all right. I'm just saying. 528 00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:33,751 You know, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. 529 00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:36,044 - I'll ask him, Dad. - All right. 530 00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:42,875 ♪ ♪ 531 00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:45,879 [funky music] 532 00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:47,289 ♪ ♪ 533 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,705 - Hey, Florence. Where'd that lady go? 534 00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:51,172 - She left! 535 00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:55,630 After you started crying and fell asleep, remember? 536 00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:57,579 - Yeah, I guess. 537 00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,247 Would you make me some coffee, please? 538 00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:03,173 - Uh, sure. I guess. 539 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,040 You realize I'm not actually a maid, right? 540 00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,205 I'm a prostitute. 541 00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,081 - Sex worker. - Whatever. 542 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,036 Do you still want to have sex or what? 543 00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:15,705 I mean, you only got about 15 minutes left. 544 00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:18,042 - I wanna have sex, okay? 545 00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:20,325 I just want you to bring me coffee first 546 00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:23,457 so I can get into this whole "having sex with a maid" thing. 547 00:20:23,542 --> 00:20:26,672 - All right, man, it's your $200. 548 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,710 - Thank you. 549 00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:32,462 - You Hollywood niggas are really weird. 550 00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:39,712 ♪ ♪ 551 00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:46,747 [funky music] 552 00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,634 - If I had a superhero power... 553 00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:51,039 ah, man, I'd probably-- it'd be sad. 554 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,575 It'd probably be, like, Alcoholic Man. 555 00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:55,627 I don't know. [laughter] 556 00:20:55,709 --> 00:20:58,329 I got bit by a radioactive tequila worm. 557 00:20:58,417 --> 00:21:01,457 That's great. [chuckling] 558 00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,922 And became Alcoholic Man. 559 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:11,170 ♪ ♪